Life couldnt get any better
even though i broke my foot

I am...

I am beyond happy,
the man that i have been pining over for the last year and I are going to a dance together!
He is so happy, but that is no match for how i feel right now.
And he's making sure everything is perfect for our night!!!
I am so happy

he hates me

DWR

so i think that he hates
me but i dont really know if he does
he doesnt talk to me anymore and i guess that is his nature but he talks so much around his others friends and its makes me want to hurt little children and feel no remorse for that
and that is so not how i am
i have told some people that know him better than i that problem and they said dont really piss him off because that will just things worse and i want him to talk to me and i dont know what to do
i want to tell him how i feel and
i dont know how thats going to go through
i think he knows that i like him
and i know that he doesnt really care and that makes me want to blow my brains out
because he is the reason that i breath
the reason i wake up in the morning
everytime i see him i become insanely nrevous and dizzy and i act extremely weird
and i get butterflies in my stomach and he is so emtionless
towards everything
and i am not like that
and i want to die
and he hates emos
and i am not emo
but i feel like killing myself and i cant do that
but i feel the real need to cut and i cant do that anymore either or else i will be taken out of my placement and i dont want to move anymore moving is for those people who like change
i dont like change
that is one thing about me
i hate change and i hate big towns and stupid people and preps and those people who like to conform
i am one that sticks out of the crowd
i do not blend in
i have been called free-spirited
(by the one i am talking about above even)
i believe that
but i want him
and i know he hates me
and todd you did not make anything better today
i love you like the gay bestfriend you are to me but saying that what happened to me was like some preppy episode of degrassi where people were having oral sex mage me want to kill you
bye

So
i dont like this thing thats going to happen here in the next
72 hours
i have this meeting right after school to make sure that i go to college becuase i am in foster and i have to have this meeting
i donate blood tomorrow
i have a rare blood type so i have to donate blood
and im going to butte in a few days as well and i dont like that one bit
bye

Life

So I'm sick and tired
litterally sick and tired and i do not like this one bit
i havent been sick in ages and this is hopefully not that stupid swine flu
shit even though my boyfriend had it and he may have given it to me
oh well i guess if i have it then i have it and there is really nothing htat i can so about it now is there?
halloween was yesterday,
i took my little nieces and nephew out trick or treating
it was cold and all they did was complain
i hate my sister for that
oh well
then i went to the movies with derek and that was fun i guess
we went to go see the movie orphan
that movie is so fucked up it isnt funny
my birthday is on the eigth of this month
i dont want it to come
i dont know why
i am going to be 17
a year less than 18
wow
i cant believe that in 373 days i am going to be 18
i know counting down like that is very immature but its scary if you think about it
18 a legal adult
ill be able to vote
and i can finally
legally smoke
haha
but yeah ok
bye

Another Halloween Comes

So today when i dressed up as a girl who killed herself,
white and black make up,
slit throat and slit wrists,
i was judged relentlessly for showing my true colors,
because everyone knows that i cut because of an incident that
happened last year during sixth period.
i thought it was ridicuolous for people to be
that judgemental and that immature.
i know many of you may think that
it is immature that i cut
but you only think that because you yourself dont cut
and dont understand
what you feel when you feel the
pressure of that razor or sharp object
go into your skin and feeling that jolt of pain that some
how relieves the mental and emotional pain
that you feel and seeing the blood lets you know that the pain is real.
but oh well you can say whatever you want
to because i dont care what people think
but my friends that do cut like me loved it so i was all happy
my boyfriend didnt say anything
i hope he wasnt embarrased
oh well
this life is full of shit that i dont want to deal with but that is ok
not really but what is going to change
nothing
bye